Another Hallmark event coming up

Yup, one more chance for the card companies to rack in major moolah -- Happy Friendship Day. Since I will not be playing to their whims, and since I feel it is criminal to bog down servers with inconsequential "Happy Friendship Day" emails I will use this blog to wish all of you who need to be reminded that I think of you. So here goes,

... H A P P Y .... F R I E N D S H I P .... D A Y ...

Whew! Now that I have got that off my chest lets get back to what is actually going through my mind. Friendship, the concept, the relationship, the fragile thread that can be become the cord that helps you climb, or a rope with an anvil on the other side helping you fall...Friendship. Been thinking a lot about it lately...not very coherent thoughts as you can see but thoughts nonetheless. There is a quote which tries to explain why friendship is so dear to most people. It goes something like this, "Relatives have been decided by God, Thank God we get to decide our friends". I used to use this quote a lot through the years, but only now have I realised the lie that it was, at least for me, at least consciously. I met one of my best friends this week and felt very empty after the time we spent together. As I was thinking back on our friendship I realised that It was not like we were best friends from the day we met. Granted, this whole idea of a best friend is quite confusing, but we were close in a very on and off manner till we got to the same class and remained together for the next five years. And I did not choose to be his friend in any of the years I knew him (of course i did not resist it either). It just happened; just like that! Poof!!! This has been the way with a lot of close friends I have they were strangers one moment and friends the next, the process was instant in some cases and gradual in another, but the point is that I never really had a choice to decide that someone was my friend or not; they just were. And That Worries Me.

That worries me deeply. It worries me because there is no specific inter-dependencies or give-take relationship between my friends and myself. It worries me because I have based my whole life around the fact that I have a family of friends with me. In other words my existence, to romanticize the notion, depends on idea of friendship being the highly pure notion touted by everyone. And it has been...and if you know my friends you will know that it will always be. They will always be there. That is a trust that will never be broken. But I still worry. I worry whether I will be there for them...whether I have ever been there...in a real sense that is!!!

And what does being there mean? Should I e-mail all my friends? Should I call them every now and then? Should I have to keep reminding them and through them myself that I am their friend? Should I? Should I? Should I? You see me problem...I am not getting anywhere here, just a rodent in a wheel.

Anyway it ain't like it is some tragic comic stuff which is happening to me here. Just a normal healthy quarter-life crisis [smile] The last two years have been great in that I have managed to meet a lot of my friends again, though sadly only for fleeting moments. In a very roundabout manner, these meetings and discussions have been instrumental in pushing me away from the limbo I was in (and towards the confusion I am in right now [smile]).{Many Thanks to my friends for the push in my thought processes} And here I am again ending up thinking more deeply about friendship itself [hmmm...] Funny how it always comes back to that.

So here I am entering 1st of August with friends on the top of my mind. Don't expect any emotional emails or poems or tears from me(though you can depend on my laughter or my sarcasm any time of the year[deep rumbling laughter]). And do not wait for my call...I will call you when I need you [ha ha ha...that was fun]. But believe this; you all will be in my thoughts, today and everyday. Most of you may never know what you mean to me, but I am who am I am due to all of you. And for that I again Thank You. Best of Luck for everything you are involved in and GOD(/GAIA/SCIENCE/SPIRIT/THE HIGHER ONE/NEO/etc...) bless!!!