"Let there be Light"
Funny how the cheesiest of phrases pop up into your head when you should be cringing instead!!!
In some ways the words are apt. Here I am, wherever here is!!! At least I think I AM!
I cannot see anything around me...anything of note that is. It is all stark white. 'Like the "Prayer for the Dying" video'. Inconsequential thought but apt again. It is indeed like that the depiction in Seal's video. I seem to be in a large, no make that a 'very' large, room; bright white in colour. Nothing in the room, bounded by the walls and the ceilings and the floor all reflecting light, or maybe creating light as I could not see any source.
Why am I here?
I am not ready to leap to conclusions so I decide to sit and think. No idea of how much time has passed. Does the fact that there is no change in my immediate surroundings mean that time is still, or worse, is it irrelevant. No! That cannot be true. I am thinking, which basically means that I must be progressing from one thought to another. This implies that I must be moving forward in time, on the assumption that each thought process does take some time, however infinitesimal it be. At least I think they do.
But that is not the problem here. I need to get out of the room and there does not seem any point of egress. Well! No point trying to think my way out of this problem. It is time to get up and check the room more closely. Since I have no sense of direction here I start to walk towards one of the walls. Seems like it is almost 10 feet away. In fact it seems like I was placed right at the centre of the room, as all the walls seem to be equidistant from me. Maybe it is some kind of optical illusion. Anyways, there's no time to be worrying about that.
Hey! I should have reached the wall by now but it still seems the same distance away. Even more worrisome it doesn't look like I have walked any further away from the wall behind me. Curious!!!
Maybe walking is not helping. Lets try running. I hate running but beggars cannot be choosers. To no avail: I end up with the same result. Now this is getting irritating. 1…2…3…1…2…3...calm down...losing cool will not help...there! That's better.
Look around the room again. Could the floor be a massive treadmill? ('Thank god at least all the walls are not mirrors like in most flicks. That would have been really spooky') Stray thought again!!! Get back to the problem! What if the floor is a gigantic treadmill? If it is then it should have some inertia. Lets try it out!!! I start running to one wall, just as I reach my top speed I take an about turn and run back ('Do I look like T. Henry when I do that? Maybe mirrors would not have been such a bad idea!') I did not feel any inertia from the floor. Furthermore the result seems to be the same. Not the best time to feel like I am the centre of the universe.
Maybe I did not do this right! Maybe the floor is very sensitive! Lets try a lot of zigzags. But first lets leave my pen at my feet. If I do this right I may not move a lot but at least the pen should be some distance from me. So here goes nothing...
... That was fun. Never ran so far in a long time. Lets see how far that was. Damn! The pen is right at my feet!!!
Now this IS getting g real spooky. Do I dare keep running for the rest of the day? Where the hell am I? Hey maybe this ain't really happening. Yes, that's it. I must be dreaming. No other explanation fits. What do I do now? Wake myself up!!! I heard that waking oneself up was dangerous. Maybe if I refuse to accept the reality of this it will go away. Yes! That's it! I lie down and close my eyes. That is much better. Yup, much better. Sorry 'White Room' you cannot frighten me for I know you do not exist. HA, HA, HA...sheeks, that was unnecessary and corny! Whatever, isn't it a moot point?
I can feel the idea is working, feels like I am slipping back into my sleep. Note to self, must analyse this dream tomo...
Bright light dazes me. I must have dozed off. Feels like I have had a nightmare judging by the heaviness I feel. I have to use my hands to pry my eyes open.
" Let There Be Light"
Funny how the cheesiest of phrases pop into your head...
Sunday, October 10, 2004
Friday, August 13, 2004
The rivers roar in Pune
Mutha and Mula the twin rivers of Pune are raging. The two dams which stop these rivers normal flow has been filled to the brim by this years late, yet torrential, monsoon. The last time the sluice gates had to be opened the water level in the rivers were still less than they are now. The only time the water levels were more than this it was in the 70's and it was an all-out flood due to collapsing of a section of the Khadakwasla dam. So anyways, as I was saying the waters they are a raging.
This time around the Corporation has done a good job of warning the slum dwellers who were staying on the banks of the rivers; so there hasn't been any tragedy. In fact it has become the spectacle of the decade, with people thronging all the bridges to watch their gutters turn back into mighty rivers. I had a glimpse and it was frightening. The river looked ugly and beautiful at the same time. The only reason I could reflect of the beauty in the powers of the water is because I had my feet firmly rooted on terra firma, the river a mere side show in my everyday life.
What it would be to be in the centre of that turbulence? How one must feel when this giant just rolls over your land, your home, your loved ones? Chilled to the bone I was at such thoughts. Scared to death to even visualise myself in those waters! Gives one a clear perspective!!! Nature always manages to do that!
Now the rains will abate in a matter of weeks, the dams will close their gates and the river will become a gutter again. I will miss the river. I have laughed at its sorry state from the day I landed in Pune 6 years ago but today it humbled me. It explained to me that its sorry state was the sacrifice that was made by it for the betterment of the children of the land. Today it showed me what it had sacrificed. I will miss the river. It taught me a lot in while merely passing by. Nature does that!!!
This time around the Corporation has done a good job of warning the slum dwellers who were staying on the banks of the rivers; so there hasn't been any tragedy. In fact it has become the spectacle of the decade, with people thronging all the bridges to watch their gutters turn back into mighty rivers. I had a glimpse and it was frightening. The river looked ugly and beautiful at the same time. The only reason I could reflect of the beauty in the powers of the water is because I had my feet firmly rooted on terra firma, the river a mere side show in my everyday life.
What it would be to be in the centre of that turbulence? How one must feel when this giant just rolls over your land, your home, your loved ones? Chilled to the bone I was at such thoughts. Scared to death to even visualise myself in those waters! Gives one a clear perspective!!! Nature always manages to do that!
Now the rains will abate in a matter of weeks, the dams will close their gates and the river will become a gutter again. I will miss the river. I have laughed at its sorry state from the day I landed in Pune 6 years ago but today it humbled me. It explained to me that its sorry state was the sacrifice that was made by it for the betterment of the children of the land. Today it showed me what it had sacrificed. I will miss the river. It taught me a lot in while merely passing by. Nature does that!!!
Friday, August 06, 2004
Sunday, August 01, 2004
Another Hallmark event coming up
Yup, one more chance for the card companies to rack in major moolah -- Happy Friendship Day. Since I will not be playing to their whims, and since I feel it is criminal to bog down servers with inconsequential "Happy Friendship Day" emails I will use this blog to wish all of you who need to be reminded that I think of you. So here goes,
... H A P P Y .... F R I E N D S H I P .... D A Y ...
Whew! Now that I have got that off my chest lets get back to what is actually going through my mind. Friendship, the concept, the relationship, the fragile thread that can be become the cord that helps you climb, or a rope with an anvil on the other side helping you fall...Friendship. Been thinking a lot about it lately...not very coherent thoughts as you can see but thoughts nonetheless. There is a quote which tries to explain why friendship is so dear to most people. It goes something like this, "Relatives have been decided by God, Thank God we get to decide our friends". I used to use this quote a lot through the years, but only now have I realised the lie that it was, at least for me, at least consciously. I met one of my best friends this week and felt very empty after the time we spent together. As I was thinking back on our friendship I realised that It was not like we were best friends from the day we met. Granted, this whole idea of a best friend is quite confusing, but we were close in a very on and off manner till we got to the same class and remained together for the next five years. And I did not choose to be his friend in any of the years I knew him (of course i did not resist it either). It just happened; just like that! Poof!!! This has been the way with a lot of close friends I have they were strangers one moment and friends the next, the process was instant in some cases and gradual in another, but the point is that I never really had a choice to decide that someone was my friend or not; they just were. And That Worries Me.
That worries me deeply. It worries me because there is no specific inter-dependencies or give-take relationship between my friends and myself. It worries me because I have based my whole life around the fact that I have a family of friends with me. In other words my existence, to romanticize the notion, depends on idea of friendship being the highly pure notion touted by everyone. And it has been...and if you know my friends you will know that it will always be. They will always be there. That is a trust that will never be broken. But I still worry. I worry whether I will be there for them...whether I have ever been there...in a real sense that is!!!
And what does being there mean? Should I e-mail all my friends? Should I call them every now and then? Should I have to keep reminding them and through them myself that I am their friend? Should I? Should I? Should I? You see me problem...I am not getting anywhere here, just a rodent in a wheel.
Anyway it ain't like it is some tragic comic stuff which is happening to me here. Just a normal healthy quarter-life crisis [smile] The last two years have been great in that I have managed to meet a lot of my friends again, though sadly only for fleeting moments. In a very roundabout manner, these meetings and discussions have been instrumental in pushing me away from the limbo I was in (and towards the confusion I am in right now [smile]).{Many Thanks to my friends for the push in my thought processes} And here I am again ending up thinking more deeply about friendship itself [hmmm...] Funny how it always comes back to that.
So here I am entering 1st of August with friends on the top of my mind. Don't expect any emotional emails or poems or tears from me(though you can depend on my laughter or my sarcasm any time of the year[deep rumbling laughter]). And do not wait for my call...I will call you when I need you [ha ha ha...that was fun]. But believe this; you all will be in my thoughts, today and everyday. Most of you may never know what you mean to me, but I am who am I am due to all of you. And for that I again Thank You. Best of Luck for everything you are involved in and GOD(/GAIA/SCIENCE/SPIRIT/THE HIGHER ONE/NEO/etc...) bless!!!
... H A P P Y .... F R I E N D S H I P .... D A Y ...
Whew! Now that I have got that off my chest lets get back to what is actually going through my mind. Friendship, the concept, the relationship, the fragile thread that can be become the cord that helps you climb, or a rope with an anvil on the other side helping you fall...Friendship. Been thinking a lot about it lately...not very coherent thoughts as you can see but thoughts nonetheless. There is a quote which tries to explain why friendship is so dear to most people. It goes something like this, "Relatives have been decided by God, Thank God we get to decide our friends". I used to use this quote a lot through the years, but only now have I realised the lie that it was, at least for me, at least consciously. I met one of my best friends this week and felt very empty after the time we spent together. As I was thinking back on our friendship I realised that It was not like we were best friends from the day we met. Granted, this whole idea of a best friend is quite confusing, but we were close in a very on and off manner till we got to the same class and remained together for the next five years. And I did not choose to be his friend in any of the years I knew him (of course i did not resist it either). It just happened; just like that! Poof!!! This has been the way with a lot of close friends I have they were strangers one moment and friends the next, the process was instant in some cases and gradual in another, but the point is that I never really had a choice to decide that someone was my friend or not; they just were. And That Worries Me.
That worries me deeply. It worries me because there is no specific inter-dependencies or give-take relationship between my friends and myself. It worries me because I have based my whole life around the fact that I have a family of friends with me. In other words my existence, to romanticize the notion, depends on idea of friendship being the highly pure notion touted by everyone. And it has been...and if you know my friends you will know that it will always be. They will always be there. That is a trust that will never be broken. But I still worry. I worry whether I will be there for them...whether I have ever been there...in a real sense that is!!!
And what does being there mean? Should I e-mail all my friends? Should I call them every now and then? Should I have to keep reminding them and through them myself that I am their friend? Should I? Should I? Should I? You see me problem...I am not getting anywhere here, just a rodent in a wheel.
Anyway it ain't like it is some tragic comic stuff which is happening to me here. Just a normal healthy quarter-life crisis [smile] The last two years have been great in that I have managed to meet a lot of my friends again, though sadly only for fleeting moments. In a very roundabout manner, these meetings and discussions have been instrumental in pushing me away from the limbo I was in (and towards the confusion I am in right now [smile]).{Many Thanks to my friends for the push in my thought processes} And here I am again ending up thinking more deeply about friendship itself [hmmm...] Funny how it always comes back to that.
So here I am entering 1st of August with friends on the top of my mind. Don't expect any emotional emails or poems or tears from me(though you can depend on my laughter or my sarcasm any time of the year[deep rumbling laughter]). And do not wait for my call...I will call you when I need you [ha ha ha...that was fun]. But believe this; you all will be in my thoughts, today and everyday. Most of you may never know what you mean to me, but I am who am I am due to all of you. And for that I again Thank You. Best of Luck for everything you are involved in and GOD(/GAIA/SCIENCE/SPIRIT/THE HIGHER ONE/NEO/etc...) bless!!!
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